Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
