I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
