you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
