i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
