DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
