No stitches, just platelets and will power
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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