That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
