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Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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