hotel room ftw
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
