Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
