On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize