But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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