He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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