Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
