i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
