Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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