Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
