i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
