other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
