If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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