Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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