I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
