We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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