It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
