I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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