Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
