I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
