So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
