Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
