what day is it and did you see me today?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize