You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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