I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
