He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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