I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize