Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize