I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Randomize
