At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
