just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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