Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
