I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
