so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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