So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
