I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
