Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
