The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
