So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
