so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
