Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
