I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize