im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
This is classic penis vs brain.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
