you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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