what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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