I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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