when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
honey bunches of taint.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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