so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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