i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
