Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
