so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
