My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
