he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
