tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
