if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My dick has a subreddit
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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