brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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